I'm drive I can fine osifer
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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