P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
