God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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