I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
