I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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