Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
