Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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