So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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