If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
