Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
