It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Less talking, more tequila
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
