So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
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Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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