I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
