i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
