So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
