Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
