My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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