I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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