Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize