i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
