Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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