He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
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Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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