Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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