Barsexuality is the new black.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
this hospital has no fireball
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