So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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