I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
