there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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