just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
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and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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