When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
