ya dads aren't the best wingmen
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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