you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
