Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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