my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize