Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
