I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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