life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
