Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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