i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
