writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
