i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
