My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
