I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
