then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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