i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
