I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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