Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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