you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
