Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
