I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
