wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
