How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
