I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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