dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
