Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
