that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
