I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So squirting runs in the family.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize