he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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