Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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