Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
