I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish I only lived at night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize