do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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