I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize