If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Randomize
