So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
