so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
